>Captain's Log (Lord Rich of Light Reporting) Earth Date 2020-05-13.08 :

In case of Covid attack on your district, follow these rules:If you are making lunch it is imperative to bring all food to the boil simultaneously; Do not waste time blocking your ears, do not waste time seeking PPE; Try to get as far away from the Covid source as possible; Do not panic.

Use your wheels (not public transport) it is what they are for; Do attempt to use your own limbs when sneezing; Small babies should be placed inside the special cocoons and should be left, if possible, in shelters; If no wheels are available, material face masks should be worn, but your limbs could be employed whenever practical; Remember, in the case of Covid attack survival means every Tory for them-self, statistically more wealthy tax avoiders survive if they think only of themselves.

Do not attempt to visit friends, relatives, loved ones, you have only a few seconds to self isolate; Use those seconds sensibly or you will inevitably get an on the spot fine; Do not panic, think only of yourself.

These are the first signs of Covid attack: You will notice small objects such as the PMs brain oscillating, you will notice meaningless slogans on your TV, you will notice a dry coughing, you will hear a distant hissing in your ears, you will feel dizzy, you will feel the need to vomit (especially if you try to drink bleach); There will be bleeding obvious comments from bloggers, there will be an ache in the neo-cortex region; You may be subject to fits of hysterical shouting or sharing nonsense on social media; These are all sign of imminent Covid destruction.

Your only protection is NO flights; If you are less than ten years old remain at your school and use your cocoon; Remember, you can help no one else; Do not panic, think only of yourself; Stay safe and keep well Hawk fans...

The band can be contacted via the sub-ether wave bands and Earth email

Report ends***